1. Dennis Hastert (R-IL) - For crimes against intelligence, and for somehow managing to maintain the title of Biggest Jackass in the House of Representatives despite being literally surrounded by the world's largest crew of mouthbreathing retards that somehow managed to win an election. The fact that this man is after the Vice President in the line of succession should strike terror into the hearts of every American. If you're wondering why he's on the shitlist for June 11, 2006 - he just is.
Quoth the Star Tribune:
It makes no sense to spend billions of dollars to rebuild a city that's 7 feet under sea level, House Speaker Dennis Hastert said of federal assistance for hurricane-devastated New Orleans. "It looks like a lot of that place could be bulldozed," the Illinois Republican said in an interview Wednesday with the Daily Herald of Arlington Heights, Ill.
Quoth the Dallas Morning News:
Mr. Hastert snorted at Mr. McCain's Republican credentials, and lit into him over his opposition to Bush tax cuts, saying that if Mr. McCain wanted to learn something about sacrifice, he ought to visit wounded soldiers in military hospitals. (note for uninformed - Senator McCain is a former POW in Vietnam)
2. The Congressional Black Caucus - For the amazing ability to deny the truth even in the face of the most obvious evidence. For example, take Rep. William Jefferson (D-LA), the latest victim of white oppression. He was caught with $90,000 stuffed in a freezer at his home, but make sure you don't jump too quickly to judge him. There could be a multitude of reasons for having money stuffed in a freezer. God forbid the Democrats distance themselves from a corrupt government official while running on a campaign of anti-corruption in 2006! The CBC says we're doing it all wrong.
Quoth the AP
A drive by the Democratic leadership to strip embattled Rep. William Jefferson of his committee post triggered a backlash Thursday as the Congressional Black Caucus opposed the move and said the Louisiana lawmaker deserves a "presumption of innocence." The caucus chairman, Rep. Melvin Watt (news, bio, voting record) of North Carolina, told reporters that some black voters might ask why action was sought against "a black member of Congress" when there was neither precedent nor rule for it.3. Osama bin Laden - For the stunning inability to maintain leadership in the face of fortune. The world's number one terrorist managed to go from the leader of a violent revolution against Western influence in Islam-dominant regions to another propaganda peddler that even extremists have stopped listening to. The extent of the world ignoring his threat of "holy war" against UN forces intervening in the Darfur crisis should confirm that he has absolutely no power anymore. Talk about incompetence - you'd think pulling off the last successful attack on the US would grant him some street cred for a bit, but somehow he managed to spend it all. Better luck next time on the whole caliphate thing.
4. God - For not killing Dennis Hastert.
5. Tom DeLay- Congratulations on your recent indictment, Mr. DeLay. Hope your bug extermination business goes better when you get out of the slammer.
6. George W. Bush - It's a shame that the Iraq war is getting such bad press these days. We see so much about the
4,000 dead civilians in the first three months of 2006 or the
latest deadly IED attack. But what about that new school being opened up for blind and crippled orphans in Bumfuck, Iraq? Or the restoration of water services to a parched Iraqi town? (water may or may not be contaminated by lead) It must be the liberal media - if only we had a
conservative station that received more viewers than all the others combined.
7. Former Judge Roy Moore - Years after being the Christian Right's attention whore of the hour for his Ten Commandments monument bullshit, Roy Moore was soundly defeated in the Republican primary for Alabama governor by, surprisingly enough, the current governor of Alabama. There's always the talk show circuit.
And that's all for now.
